What I did on my Summer Vacation

It has been a busy Summer to say the least.

We moved to Geneva on the first day of Summer and as I look back at pictures from the past 8 weeks, it is pretty amazing to see all that we have done since that day just two months ago.  On our one month anniversary of the move, Lexi said, "Oh, so we've got 2 more left?"  I realized that she was thinking that we were already 1/3 of the way through our supposed 3 year stay in Geneva.  When I told her that no, we had been here only one month, not one year, so we still had almost 3 full years to go, she said, "Oh, it seems like we've already been here for a year, cause we've done so much!"  So true, my baby girl!

Here is a recap of our Summer vacation in photos (thanks to Sara who was our resident photographer for the past 8 weeks.  Now that she is gone, I guess I will need to pull out my good camera again.  I have taken and shared tons of iPhone pics, but my Canon has been in hiding).  If the girls get asked what they did on their Summer vacation when they start school, I wonder what they will recount?

A day trip to Annecy, France on my birthday (after waiting at the immigration office for 4 hours).  One of our favorite spots from the last time we lived in Geneva and it did not disappoint.

A day exploring Yvoire, France - a beautiful medieval village on Lake Geneva.

A trip up to "The Top of Europe" (Mont Blanc aka "the snow mountain" by Kenzie & Lexi) in Chamonix, France.

A day of delicious cheese & beautiful views in Gruyere, Switzerland.

A long weekend introducing our girls and Sara to the magic of Paris, because Paris is always a good idea!

A last minute decision to drive to Provence to see the lavender fields in bloom.  Terrible traffic made for a much longer drive than anticipated, but happy to check this one off my bucket list ... and an added bonus was that we were able to catch Stage 15 of the Tour de France on the way home.

A week on Fehmarn, visiting my Dad and introducing Kenzie & Lexi to the German island where I spent my Summer's as a child.  It was so special to spend time with my Dad and to introduce the girls to uncles, aunts and cousins that they had never met before.

A week living La Dolce Vita in Italy!  We spent 4 adventurous* days in Cinque Terre, followed by 2 much needed days of relaxation in Forte dei Marmi.  

Quite a Summer!  Lots of wonderful memories!  Looking forward to staying put in Geneva for the last week before school starts - as Geneva is pretty spectacular in itself ...

* For those that follow me on Instagram or Facebook you will know that we had a terrifying incident when Lexi fell down a cliff & then the following day Kenzie got stung by a jelly fish.

A sad day in our village ...

 They say it takes a village to raise a child.  When we found out we were expecting twins, after the initial excitement and jubilation wore off, a bit of panic set in.  Both Randall and I had moved to Cincinnati for our jobs.  Our families were 800 and 2,400 miles away.  We were going to have to do this on our own.  We are forever grateful to our mothers and my sister, who came and stayed with us for the first 2 months after the girls were born and for our wonderful friends who brought home cooked meals, rocked crying babies and became our village.  But in this day and age and in the business that we work in, friends move (we move) and villages are far from stable. 

When the girls were six month old and it was time for me to go back to work, we decided to hire Sara as a nanny for Kenzie & Lexi.  I wasn’t even sure if I really wanted a nanny, as I thought there were socialization benefits to day care.  But it was one of the best decisions we have ever made, as soon Sara became much more than a nanny.  She became part of our family and our village.  Not only did we trust her to care for, love, and teach our daughters for 50 hours a week, she was also the one we called to watch Lexi on a Sunday night when we had to take Kenzie to the emergency room with a 105 degree fever.  She was the one who would watch the girls overnight when both Randall and I had to travel for work or over the weekend when we needed a little getaway.   She was with Kenzie & Lexi 5 days a week for 5 years - that’s 12,500 hours that she spent caring for them.  She knew the girls better than anyone and was the cornerstone of our village.

When we found out about our move to Geneva, we knew that one of the trade-offs of the amazing experiences the expat life offers, would be the fact that we would need to leave “our village” behind – great friends in Cincinnati, family who was at least on the same continent, and Sara.  Sara accompanied us on the move to Geneva and was here with us for our first 8 weeks to help us get settled.  This was such a blessing for us all, but I think it is also why saying goodbye today was so very hard.  SHE was our village in Geneva for the past 8 weeks, and now that she is gone there is this huge void in all of our hearts.  What makes it even more difficult is that we really haven’t had a chance to start building up a new village here yet.  It is Summer and we have been travelling a lot, as have the few people that I know in Geneva.  I am sure that once school starts we will all start building a network of friends and community, but right now it feels a bit lonely.  I feel isolated from my tribe, and I realize just how important Sara was not only to the girls, but also to me.  She was the one I would bounce things off of when it came to all things Kenzie & Lexi, but also interior design and party planning and fashion and pretty much everything.  Sara was not only Kenzie & Lexi’s nanny, she was also my friend.  I know that Sara will always be a part of our lives and I am so grateful for everything that she has done for our family over the past 5 years.  She will be missed and today my little tribe is in mourning.

I have no doubt that we are giving the girls an incredible experience by living abroad.  In the first 2 months, they have already visited 4 new countries and have been exposed to so many things that they would never have seen in Cincinnati.   I know that over the course of our time in Geneva they will grow in ways that would not have been possible if we had stayed put.  But, with the risk of sounding whiny, I will say that leaving your village behind is hard – we miss our friends and family dearly – and living a transient life can feel lonely and isolating.  For now, I am going to embrace my little tribe of four (three this week while Randall is in the States for work) and am going to enjoy the last week of Summer with my sweet girls. 

We miss you Sara!  Thanks so much for being the cornerstone of our village for the past 5 years! xoxo

Forever Weekend

Growing up with two working parents, our girls seem to live for the weekend.  They look forward to it more than Randall and I even do.  And in their world, nothing beats a 3 day weekend!

I took two weeks off over Christmas and New Year ... the girls called it a 16 day weekend.  Their Omi K, Aunt Inken, Uncle Andy and cousins Grady & Emmeline visited from California, we took them to their first Nutcracker ballet, they got to go to the Festival of Lights at the zoo and went snow tubing with their cousins.  Santa came and brought awesome presents.  We had several parties at our house with different groups of friends and they had treats galore.   In sum, they had a pretty fabulous Christmas break.  But when my mom (Omi K) asked them what their favorite part about their holiday break was, Lexi’s reply was, “getting to spend time with my Mom.”  This made my heart burst with joy and break into a million pieces simultaneously.  I love that my girls love spending time with me, but it hurts to think that they view it as something so precious that it trumps even Santa’s annual visit.  Lexi's simple statement was a huge factor in my decision to stop working in order to spend time with my girls.

Once I had made that decision and told the girls that I would be staying home with them after we moved to Geneva, Lexi exclaimed, "it will be a forever weekend!"  And so the countdown to the forever weekend started.  Now, almost two months into our forever weekend, I can say that I have no regrets.  I am cherishing every moment of our time together this Summer.  It has been quite an adventure and I am not sure I am ready for the girls to start kindergarten (Level 1 here in Geneva) in only 3 weeks ...

Leaning Out

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Soul searching, weighing of pros & cons, praying, flipping coins, dreaming.  But I haven’t really been talking about it.  Sure, I sought advice from mentors, family & friends, but mostly this was a personal struggle ... journey... choice ... that I needed to work my way through.  In this “lean in” era, I feared what people would think of me walking away from a career that I had worked so hard to build.  I was actually quite proud of how well I had been able to balance it all up until this point, so would walking away look like I was laying down and giving up? 

But then a few months ago I read this quote from Bob Goff in his book “Love Does” and it really resonated with me:  “I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.”  It hit me in the gut.  I realized that I was spending too much of my time trying to succeed at something that – deep down at my core – didn’t really matter to me, at least not in the grand scheme of my life.

At the same time Randall and I also started talking about how we want our time in Geneva to be the best thing that could have happened to our girls.  A time for them to explore different cultures, learn a new language, and expand our horizons together as a family   We don't want it to be a time where Randall and I are both working so much that we never get to see our girls and they end up being raised by a nanny that we don’t even know, and we don’t really get a chance to take advantage of all that living abroad has to offer.

I have dreamed of being able to spend more time with Kenzie & Lexi.  Of being able to drop them off and pick them up from school, hearing about their days first hand.  Of not always feeling that I am rushed (or rushing them).  I have also dreamed of having more quality time with Randall.  Time to actually talk & enjoy each other, not having to worry about a late night conference call or preparing for an early morning meeting.  I have also dreamed about doing something more creative professionally.  Of turning my love for design, or party planning or photography into a career.  I am not sure if I will be good at ANY of these things, and maybe that is why I have avoided them for so long.  It has been much easier, far less risky, to continue on the path that I know … that I am “good” at. 

People have often said to me, “You’re so creative.  You should quit your job and become an interior design/party planner/stationary designer.”  The thing is, am I really good?  Or am I good considering that I also have a more-than-full-time finance job and do this stuff between 10pm and 2am?  Am I good enough to actually be able to turn these hobbies into a career? Good enough to be able to compete with the thousands of other people who are so much more creative and talented than I am?  There are so many questions and so much self doubt. 

But you know what?  I have decided to take that leap into the unknown.  Because in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.  What I do know is that I will love spending more time with my girls while they still want to spend time with me.  What I do know is that I will love having the time to really explore Geneva, learn French and plan lots of adventures for our family.  What I do know is that I have many different business ideas brewing in my head, and I will finally have the time to turn one of those into reality.  

And so I say, I am not “leaning out," I am “leaning in” to what my gut tells me is right for me and our family ... to ensure that I am succeeding at something that really matters to me.